Discriminating Gamer

I realized something mildly disturbing the other day: I own a pathetic amount of fake plastic instruments. I love Guitar Hero and Rock Band as much as the next gamer, from the casual to the hardcore, but this is a little excessive. Explore with me the origins of these reasonable facsimiles employed by mock rockers everywhere.

1. Black SG, Guitar Hero (PS2) - The original Guitar Hero controller. I got this the week after Christmas in 2005 after playing Guitar Hero for the first time at my buddy Dave’s house. He took a chance on a new, relatively unknown gaming concept that was expensive, yet very intriguing. Too intriguing to pass up, as a matter of fact. One thing led to another and now I’m writing about my embarrassment of fake, plastic instrument riches. Go figure.

2. Red SG, Guitar Hero II (PS2) - Yeah, this red SG “guitar” is still brand new in the box. I got this when it came out near the end of 2006 with the intention rocking some two player goodness, but at the time I was borrowing a second guitar from friend. We continued using that one and lost interest before I even had to take the red one out of the box.

3. SingStar Microphones (PS2) - You could make the argument these SingStar microphones aren’t fake, since they actually work like any other real mic would. Due to that fact, I will refrain from putting sarcastic quotes around the word “microphone” (those quotes don’t count). However, they are still used to play a video game, so they get included on the list.

4. Black Stratocaster, Rock Band (Xbox 360) - This much maligned Rock Band “guitar” is actually a replacement. Like many others, the guitar controller we got with our launch bundle had a faulty strum bar. Even though it’s no longer broken, the strum bar still sucks. Too bad, because otherwise it’s a great guitar. Very true to its inspiration.

5. Rock Band Microphone (Xbox 360) - Not much to say here. The Singstar mics are beefier and more substantial.

6. Rock Band Drum Set (Xbox 360) - This “drum set” is the new “instrument” everyone wants to try when friends come over to play Rock Band. My brother Dan already snapped one kick pedal in half from from rocking too hard. We recently noticed cracks under the rubber skin of the yellow and blue pads as well. Hey, you gotta break a few eggs to ROCK an omelet… or something like that.

On a side note, credit to Electronic Arts for taking care of our two Rock Band related issues quickly and efficiently. Replacing our faulty components was relatively painless, although my credit card did get charged for the replacement kick pedal. I called customer service and barely had a chance to explain the situation before the representative said she’d take care of it and issued me a full refund of the ridiculous $125 charge.

EA gets a fair amount of bad publicity, and usually with good reason, but their swift and extensive action when faced with many Rock Band hardware issues went a long way in diffusing a possible RROD-type situation.

7. Explorer, Guitar Hero II (Xbox 360) - I don’t own GHII for 360 because I bought it for PS2, but my brother Dan, our buddy John and I chipped in for this one when our first Rock Band “Strat” broke after three days. We got this Guitar Hero “guitar” used and, yes, it’s pink. That’s a custom paint job you’re looking at.

Amazingly, someone actually spent time disassembling the thing to painstakingly paint the body of the guitar pink… and then inexplicably sold it back to GameStop. And then we bought it. Yeah… in our defense, the only other one there had stickers all over it and was in pretty bad shape. Now John gets to rock out on a pink guitar. Strangely enough it suits him, but that’s a story for another day…

8. Les Paul, Guitar Hero III (Xbox 360) - The most recent addition to my collection. It’s a good “guitar” - solid, responsive and most importantly, wireless. Plus, it works with Rock Band, so we don’t even have to use the “Stratocaster.” Good times.

There you have it, a laundry list of fake instruments, most of which I’ve played more than my real guitar and drum set of late. Unfortunate.